How to get an A


As the year ends and teachers are closing their grade books you start to panic that your grades might not be up to snuff. No matter how much work you turn in or all the extra credit you do, they don’t seem to budge. It’s because you’ve been doing it wrong. Here are some tips to actually help raise your grades.

Stop showing up to class. It’s obvious that going to class hasn’t been working for you. Besides, why go to class when you can sleep all day? How else are you going to stay up all night to watch the numerous amounts of television series that clog up your DVR? Besides, research shows that teenagers today need eight to ten hours of sleep. So, we might as well get it during the school hours so we can go out and have fun with our friends at night.

Bring some attitude.  Believe it or not, teachers really hate it when you kiss up to them. Their favorite students are the ones who sit quietly in class and give them the stink eye when they’re not looking; it shows them that you have sass and they appreciate someone with some spunk.

Don’t be a teacher’s pet. They hate that. Instead of bringing them chocolate and flowers, or an apple, bring them nothing at all. It’s a simple and effective way to show them that you care. By not doing anything out of the ordinary it shows them that you are, in fact, better than the rest of their students, but you just don’t want to show them up.

Underachieve. Everyone has that one kid in each of their classes who has a 110% and works their butt off to keep it. Well that’s a huge waste of your precious time. You’re not aiming to have over a 100% in the class; you’re just aiming for an A. Underachieving is the way to go. You hardly ever turn in your homework and you never participate in class. This is good; it shows your teacher you care about class and what you’re learning, but not enough to earn that 110%.  They love the fact that you’re actually spending your time doing something productive, like playing Super Smash Bros, instead of doing your homework. Teacher’s do have hearts, and they would much rather see you have fun than drown in the hours of assigned work.

Stop doing your homework. You have tried turning in every assignment you have gotten and that clearly hasn’t been working out because you still don’t have an A. So, stop doing it. Why waste your time and energy completing useless homework assignments when it doesn’t even raise your grade? I’m sure your teacher will understand when you show up to class with incomplete work. Just tell them you’re working on it, after all, isn’t that the answer we get when we ask them if our tests are graded yet?

Do not study, ever. The last thing you want to do when you get home after a long day of listening to your teachers blab on about some dead people, complicated words and isosceles right triangles is study for that huge test in Chemistry you have tomorrow. The best method is to hop in to your sweats, kick back and watch some ball. Then when you show up to your class you are fully prepared for the test and you can chat with your teacher about who won. This shows your teacher you really know your stuff and you will automatically ace that test. Side note:  make sure they like basketball first! If not, figure out which sport they like to watch, and then repeat the process stated above.

Skip your finals. Since you have worked so hard the semester, following my advice of course, why bother showing up? Your teacher already knows what an excellent student you are; they don’t need some five page long test to tell them that. Besides, that breaks rules one, two and four.  You don’t need to stress yourself out with numerous tests that you will obviously do outstanding on. You’re better than those tests, so go do something useful, like walking your cat.

If you follow my simple, and very effective, steps on how to get an A I’m sure you won’t fail. They’re easy to do, and you will be a much happier person in the end. When the report cards come out in June your grades will be so magnificent that your parents will buy you a car, or something snazzy to show their pride in you. You’re welcome.